You are everything I want.

I'm sorry. I dont mean to hurt you with my rants. But you hurt me more than you'll ever know. I can deal with it. I'm strong. But its terrible. I'm completely shattered. Just like your windshield. You gave me everything I wanted- made me thing happiness was an obtainable thing- then you took it all away from me, just like that. Like it was nothing. It WAS something. It was more than you know. You really mean everything to me, love, and I wish you could see it. Everything reminds me of you. Of us. Of what we could have had, and what we will never get a chance to be. Songs. Words. Images. They all remind me of you. A friend of mine called me "Farrellbaby" like you used to, and I started fucking crying. Thats how terrible this world is. This world without you. I dont know what to do with myself. I have nothing to look forward to anymore.

You came into my life with the best timing I've ever seen. I was so depressed. Borderline suicidal. Again. And you brought me back from that. Made me see how simple things are beautiful, and how there were things worth living for. Now you've taken all this away from me, and I'm spiraling down again.

I think the reason I'm not so upset, is because I refuse to get over you. Why try to do something you dont have faith in? I cant do that to myself. I've set myself up to be hurt enough times, and I'm not doing it again...

You always told me not to settle. Well now I'm listening to you. I'm not settling for anything less than you.